Day 8

I have been immersing myself within meetings and I actually like them. I even — wait for it — am enjoying women’s meetings. Who the fuck am I?

A few topics have been brought up in meetings which have made me think “Holy fuck I am right where I am supposed to be” or “Jesus Christ are they reading my fucking mind?” I so badly wish I didn’t have such a potty mouth but I am not fucking perfect.

Anyways, the three topics on the top of my mind are:

1. Service

Now I just recently saw 50 Shades of Grey and so when the topic of being of service was brought up, my mind — which is always in the gutter — immediately went to that movie and being of service in the bedroom… I’ll stop now. Anyways, once I got my mind out of the gutter (briefly) I thought about service or being of service and what that means. Now, two things 1. I am really great at delegating tasks and 2. I am really great at having people be of service to me. Basically I am not great at being of service to others. However, that’s not the point. The point they were trying to make is that in being of service or helping others to maintain and/or achieve sobriety you are inadvertently helping yourself to be your best self. Your best sober self. My fellow alcoholics it’s as simple as ask not what your country (or fellow peers) can do for you, ask what you can do for your country (or fellow peers).

2. Honesty

This one definitely struck a cord. I recently had to get brutally honest with myself. In order to be honest with others you have to first and foremost be honest with yourself. No matter how shitty humbling it is. I was finally ready to be honest with myself and that is the most important thing so far for me in sobriety because it led me to finally admit that I had problem. Something I was seemingly avoiding or denying previously.

3. Fellowship

I think what I was missing so much in my previous stint with recovery was some sense of community. I would go to meetings sure but I didn’t really befriend anyone. I didn’t become part of a sober community and I definitely feel as though I had my guard up. Now I am taking a different stance and starting to do things with other sobers. Surrounding myself not only in the rooms but in my life with people who are so much like me has made me happier. And also not alone. I started to feel so alone and to isolate myself so much and it was hard for me to get my ass off the couch but now that I have I am grateful. I’m not going to like everyone (mainly because I’m still an asshole) but at least I am trying to be a part of something rather than to attempt to do it alone.

till we meet again….

stay sober my friends.

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5 thoughts on “Day 8

  1. Loving this – these small victories and insights that really blossom and build. You have some big time stuff there already! Being of service – in and out of the room (not bedroom…lol). To me that’s helping my neighbour up the stairs or making someone a cup of coffee for them. in meetings it could be greeting people as they come in or cleaning up afterwards, etc. Showing the newcomer where the washrooms are, etc. Simple things. The idea is that we aren’t superstars, but to get out of our own heads AND be helpful. Nothing more helpful when I have been chomping at the bit all day in my mind and then I have to (grudgingly) help someone and before I know it, I feel better about things overall.

    As for fellowship – there is something to be said about flesh-and-blood folks about who get what you say and vice-versa. I am not mr. fellowship myself, but I do have a small group of guys I can talk to and meet up with, and I know many others who I can lean on when needed…and the other way around too.

    congrats on day 8!

    Paul

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear GGS,
    I am reading your blog for the first time.
    You are helping other people stay sober with your blog, too! That is a kind of service I think.
    Being honest is the hardest.
    Every time I have an urge, I try to tell someone, so it doesn’t become my little secret!
    Peace and Hugs,
    Wendy

    Liked by 1 person

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