Twas the night before Super Bowl and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a – just kidding I have three animals and they are all fucking insane and drive me crazy and are always stirring and running around and staring at me. But anyways, (that escalated quickly and I have no idea why I started off like that) … moving on — it was my first Super Bowl without alcohol (not counting the first twelve Super Bowls I ever watched which happen to be within the first 12 years of my life). So let’s just say it was my first Super Bowl that I can remember without alcohol.
And actually Good Lord lo and behold I made it through the entire football season sans alcohol. Awful Chargers football, innumerable beer commercials, living across the street from a liquor store, Chargers football – I mean I must have some really bad karma.
Anyways I did it.
Cue the fat lady because the football season is over, I’m still sober and she can fucking sing.
But back to the Sober Super Bowl. The Super Bowl in which I was sober. My sober Super Bowl. Just saying it different ways makes me proud.
Now if you are like my girlfriend and don’t like sports (mainly anything with balls – she is a lesbian after all) I guess think of the Super Bowl as a celebration in which there are lots of friends and food and drinks… Or, if you are from a different region in which football isn’t important equate it to soccer (in terms of alcohol consumption not importance). Well needless to say it was slightly difficult for me. Throw in the fact that we went over to her friend’s house and watched the game. It was all her friends (who I adore and not just cause they might read this) and me. Now just being in that situation in which I am outnumbered friend wise (and all friends of hers who don’t necessarily really enjoy watching sports but were watching the Super Bowl mainly for the commercials) provoked a little anxiety. It wasn’t them, again I truly do adore them, it’s just that sometimes I have a hard time relaxing and alcohol has always been my relaxant in situations in which I found myself not super comfortable or in my element. And I was a little out of my comfort zone.
So I did that which comes as second nature to me – I ate until I couldn’t have one more bite without needing to be rolled down the stairs and home. One cupcake turned into two. One piece of pizza. Four chocolate chip cookies. Two ginger ale sodas. About 50 chips smothered in five layer dip. (My mouth is watering just reminiscing about the food). I need to get better about not overeating in the absence of alcohol and I keep telling myself and readers that but I still am having some self-control issues. It could be an oral fixation.
But anyways, rather be fat than a drunk so I ate too much but I didn’t drink. The end.
Side note: If I was drinking I would have been quickly sobered up by the horrific thing that was the Nationwide commercial – good marketing in the sense that everyone can’t stop talking about it — but Jesus Christ after being hit in the face with that sob story of a commercial I felt like I needed a drink more than ever. The fucking kid died? Seriously. I don’t even have kids so I can’t imagine but wait he died? Did that just happen? I am never short on words (just ask anyone who knows me) but I couldn’t muster anything other than a gasp. Now you’re going to tell me Santa isn’t real. Wait what? And the Easter Bunny? COME ON! I did not see that one coming and it was awful.
Actually now that I think about it I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking during the Super Bowl because about half of the commercials were depressing. Death, obesity, dads not seeing their kids grow up cause they’re gone all the time – dear lord I need a cupcake now more than ever.
Thank god for Katy Perry’s boobs and the dancing sharks to lighten the mood. Shit, I didn’t need to drink I felt like I dropped acid by simply watching that halftime performance.
stay sober my friends.
Oh! Also my beautiful grandma turned 7o and we celebrated over the weekend. 70 never looked so damn good if you ask me!